“Dear, Dear Marianne – She was such a Force of Nature that I can hardly believe she is no longer with us (in this earthly realm anyway!). I firmly believe she will always be with us as she has always been with us, right from the very beginning. It always seemed to me that Marianne’s path into Courage to Teach and Circles of Trust was the most honorable and authentic path: she came first with her teacher’s heart and out of her deep love for her students, whether they were 13 or 25. She brought that and so much more that gave her a special kind of “authority”
for me and for so many. As an ex-nun Marianne had a deep respect for the power of stillness and silence. She was especially drawn to the Clearness Committee as a central practice of our work and wrote a lovely interpretive piece about the principles of the Clearness Committee in which she creatively described this centuries-old Quaker practice as “a rare chance to see a soul at work,” like “Zen sitting in a social context,” an experience where “We have no place to go and nothing to do but hold this soul.” Upon getting to know Marianne, one quickly realized that she was no silent saint! She had a riotous sense of humor and an amazing capacity to delight a crowd with a joke that ranged from Ole & Lena charmers to unrepeatable jokes involving farm animals and straws (if you’ve heard this joke you are now rolling on the floor!). She had a wonderful laugh that accompanied these jokes and a twinkle in her bright blue eyes that was infectious! Since Marianne was in Parker’s very first Courage to Teach group from Kalamazoo, MI she was literally in this work from the ground up. When six of us went on to meet at Parker and Sharon’s to “learn” and absorb what the formation process was all about, Marianne was the only one who had actually experienced it. She became a helpful guide for the rest of us and would jog Parker’s memory from time to time about this and that. She was essential to the eventual development of the first iteration of the Facilitator Preparation Program and over many years mentored more new facilitators than nearly anyone else. She was known to be a loving but exacting mentor, steeped as she was in the Courage way and its deepest roots. With her spiritual background, elder wisdom, playful humor and commitment to service, and especially to educators, she was a gifted and consummate facilitator. Marianne and I had the good fortune of traveling to Singapore in 2001 to work with the Department of Education there, offering two retreats – one for teachers and one for school leaders. It was a fascinating cross-cultural experience with a culturally diverse group of eager participants and was held in a beautiful setting. We were literally pinching ourselves that we got to do this! The first retreat went swimmingly and there were some poignant as well as comical moments, like when one participant said—in relation to the Clearness Committee instruction to make silence another member of the group—“Excuse me, Miss, how do we know when Mr. Silence is done speaking?” However, in the second retreat something happened that neither Marianne nor I had ever experienced before. We’d had a lovely lunch (all the meals were fabulous) and not long into the afternoon session I could feel my insides churning until I knew I better leave to avoid a calamity. I quickly gave instructions for an activity, then whispered to Marianne and high-tailed it out of the room. I hated to leave but knew the group was in her very capable hands. I made it to my room just in time and quickly realized I had food poisoning. About a half-hour later I heard the door next to me open and slam (Marianne’s room) and after a few minutes heard a violent flushing. She too had was affected. We spent the rest of the day and evening tapping on our adjoining wall to let each other know we were still there, though we were too sick to get up and help each other. I’m not sure that qualifies as “having each other’s back” but it was comforting to know we were in it together, so to speak! Over the years it was a joy to get to know Jim and to visit Marianne and Jim in their home. That wasn’t able to happen as much this past decade but we kept in touch in other ways. I’m especially grateful to have had a wonderful conversation with her earlier this year that touched on our lives, our families, our concerns for our children, the world, this country, as well as the continued importance and relevance of Courage work for individuals and our communities. Afterwards she sent me a sheaf of her poetry (she’s a marvelous poet with an eye for small moments of meaning or beauty) and included one that her mother had written for her when Marianne was still in utero. It was a stunning poem that foretold something of the powerful presence that this little baby would bring to the world. And so she did—to her marriage and friendships, to her family and students, to countless circles, to school districts, to churches, to board rooms, to her beloved community! Miss you and Love You, Marianne!”
– Marcy Jackson, Founding Co-Director, Center for Courage & Renewal, 1997-2010
*****
“Long before I met Marianne Houston, I knew of her through the stories of people whose lives she had touched. Her heart for educators. Her wisdom and grace. Her roaring sense of humor. One of the members in the founding cohort (also fondly known as the “guinea pig” cohort), a masterful Courage & Renewal facilitator, and mentor and friend to so many, Marianne’s impact on her beloved “Courage work” is deep, wide, and ongoing. I came to know Marianne as an elder at a time when she described her work as “quietly laboring in the vineyard of Courage.” It wasn’t lost on me that her email signature quoted David Whyte: “This is the time of loaves and fishes. People are hungry, and one good word is bread for a thousand.” Over the years, and as recently as a few weeks ago, she sent me periodic messages expressing gratitude and encouragement — good words that always left me feeling nourished. She closed her most recent email “In Courage and hope, with joy and laughter.” Those words are exactly how I will remember her. Marianne Houston lived in courage, in hope, in joy, and in laughter — and never stopped inviting others into the vineyard. May her memory be a blessing.”
– Kathryn McElveen
*****
“So many memories flood in as I think of my dear friend Marianne Houston. I will write here of our early days. We met, really met, in Parker and Sharon’s living room in 1995, over the two years that he prepared six of us to lead the pilot series of Courage to Teach retreats. Marianne had such an unexpected and delightful mix of qualities — she was deeply grounded, both serious and earthy (a wonderful combination), forthright and creative, the best teller of stories and Ollie and Lena jokes (which I had never heard before – but came to love mostly because of how much they tickled her!). She told the truth, always, and was clearly meant for this work. Over those first years our little group came to know each others’ life stories, gifts, quirks, and uncertainties, to be vulnerable together and to lift each other up. I learned so much from Marianne about presence and authenticity. She seemed fearless to me (in the sense of unapologetically being herself). Simply being with her gave me courage when I faltered. She first shared her innovation to choose a natural object as a “third thing”, eg. a particular tree, or ocean beach, or rose bush, and let it be a teacher (with questions for reflection), during each of the 8 seasonal retreats in our Pilot series. It became a mainstay of my own retreats. We six were co-creators, beginning to find our own authentic voices while soaking in all that we learned from Parker and from each other. I began a meditation practice around that time and shared with Marianne how important this daily practice was becoming to me. She said she couldn’t imagine a life without a deep spiritual practice. I loved her simply affirming my “new” discovery and never proselytizing. She lived her beliefs without fanfare. At each gathering, after our work of the day, we sat around the dining room table, eating Sharon’s wonderful soups and telling stories and jokes. We laughed til we cried, never more than at hearing one of Marianne’s jokes! Play and laughter were essential companions to the life-changing transformations occurring for
each of us. Marianne was one of the great pillars of our group. We remained close for all of these years, slipping easily into deep conversation, even as our in-person visits became less frequent. I am richer in soul and spirit for knowing Marianne and feel her presence in my heart now and for all time.”
– Penny Williamson
*****
“I learned so much from her and with her, and have so many stories of her. In addition to being mentored by her, we made two trips to Australia together to do a version of FPP with Catholic education leaders. I’ve attached a few pictures of us from those days. What an experience! I would be remiss not to also speak about Marianne as a mother of Courage work in Canada. She mentored Karen Connolly and I when we began working with teachers from publicly funded Catholic schools in 2001. One suspicious Catholic superintendent at the first break in the very first Courage to Teach circle asked Marianne, “And when does Jesus come in?” Without missing a beat, Marianne replied, “When you bring him in.” She understood so well that our purpose was to create space for each person’s Inner Teacher, and not to proselytize or tell teachers who and how they should be. She also helped to mentor the Courage to Serve movement that powerfully emerged in four school boards, inviting all education staff members to Courage retreats. Two pieces of wisdom I hold to this day: “Allow yourself the luxury of doing just one thing” which was on the chart paper at every retreat. And, that one of the most important lessons in life was learned in the first grade: Stop, Look, Listen. She continues to invite me to do that, every day.”
– Mike Saver
Pic 1 – her glorious self watching for whales on the beach at Jervis Bay NSW
Pic 2 – the facilitator cohort at the retreat house near Mittagong NSW
Pic 3 – in Sydney, the second time, we stayed at the Josephite Sisters motherhouse which also has the grave of St. Mary McKillop, Australia’s first saint.
Pic 4 – clowning in their museum
*****
“Colleague and dear friend, Marianne Houston was one of the most extraordinary teachers I’ve ever met. From classrooms with public school students to circles of trust with school teachers and leaders, she led with her belief that we all have gifts to give and a holy obligation to give them. Like her teacher Helen Luke, Marianne believed the Self to be not just an idea but something to be experienced—a gateway to the Soul. No surprise she recognized what was going on in that very first Courage to Teach group Parker led in Kalamazoo, MI. No wonder she devoted the rest of her life to facilitating circles with educators near and far. And as a facilitator, Marianne led with her poetic spirit, modeling for others the difficult yet rewarding work of finding meaning in everything that happens in life. Marianne helped us discover, in the words of Helen Luke, “that all experiences, light and dark, are stars that take their place in the constellation of wholeness.” My life has been enriched and blessed by your courage, grit and grace, Marianne. And I am forever grateful.”
– Rick Jackson
*****
“I was fortunate enough to meet Marianne during facilitator preparation retreats in 2006 and 2007. I was impressed by the warmth of her welcome and the way she communicated the values of Courage work in words and by example. I am saddened to learn of her passing but gladdened to know that she lives on in the hearts and memories of her many friends and admirers.”
– Jim Quay
*****
“It is such a blessing to be remembered as a part of the founding group of the courage work! We were focusing on “Courage to Teach” and each person brought unique gifts and capacities as we learned from each other’s experiences and from Parker Palmer. Marianne Houston was a beautiful and committed teacher and facilitator. Parker mentored her and supported each of us in bringing our gifts to the next generation. Marianne did that with great grace. Sending love and light!”
– Janis Claflin
*****
“Marianne Houston. My friend, my teacher, my co-facilitator, my soul sister. Together we co-created Courage to Teach retreats and 5-Day Principles of Practices and Circles of Trust, but even more importantly, we co-created the space for each other to live undivided. Words matter, but they are truly inadequate to express my love and gratitude for the life of Marianne Houston – and for our walking this path in each other’s company.”
– Sally Z. Hare
*****
“For our friend, the Holy Rascal —
It is with sadness and joy that I add my comments to these reflections about the passing of Marianne Houston. A great Light has left us, yet her brilliance will always be alive in my heart and in our world as we remember her. She was a true original, a “Holy Rascal,” who embodied a deep spirituality honed over her years as a contemplative Sister of Loretto, channeling it into her passionate, loving, caring presence in the world.
She is a constant in my memories of my early days as a facilitator-in-training, when I met her at Fetzer, and then when she traveled to Oregon to be part of our Lewis & Clark College team’s facilitator preparation, along with Rick and Marcy Jackson. I can still hear her raucous laughter as she told outrageous, hilarious, slightly offensive “Ole and Lena” jokes with Rick after long, serious sessions of inner work in those early days of circles of trust. She always held those two poles together: dead serious next to joyful playfulness. She also embodied the “Quaker Elder” role, correcting individuals or the group when it strayed too far from our principles and practices. I can still hear her saying, in one situation when I wanted to try something somewhat out of the box, “THAT IS NOT FORMATIONAL.”
More recently, Jay and I interviewed Marianne and Jim for our book on couples, Side by Side: the Sacred Art of Couples Aging with Love & Wisdom. We stayed with them for three glorious days, which I now treasure more than ever. Their devoted love for one another, which wasn’t always easy in a racially mixed marriage, was apparent in all of the stories they shared about their 56 years together. If you would like to view a brief clip of an interview with them, you can find it on our website at sidebysideaging.com in the interview section. From that interview, I want to share her words about how she embodied her spiritual values in her everyday encounters. She was truly a lover of people, with the heart of a teacher, as her words reflect.
“I love going shopping at the grocery or dollar stores, not for clothes. I don’t try on clothes. I love the conversations with the young people who work in those places, asking them questions, supporting them, and telling them, ‘I think a lot about your world. I don’t use plastic.’ I talk to them about their education and ask, ‘Are you in school? What are you studying?’ They love to talk to us oldsters. They love it when we show an interest in them. I said to the young woman who works at the gas station, ‘You are looking sleepy today.’ And she responded, ‘This is my second of three jobs, and I have a baby. I am tired a lot.’ It is such a privilege to listen to what she has to say. The learning is immense. This is true with older friends too. We have time to listen and learn. We had Howard, 92, and his partner, 86, for dinner, and we sat at the table for a long time. They were asking Jim questions. He was sharing about his life as an African American male, and we learned together that Sunday evening. Howard could hardly get up but was engrossed in the conversation. We are learning and unlearning what we thought we knew.”
Wise elder, mentor, mystic, teacher, poet, facilitator, lover of life. Our Courage community was so blessed to have her amongst us.
The following quote is at the heading of the chapter about Marianne and Jim, and I include it because she continued to be my mentor as she aged, demonstrating what the “sacred art of aging well” and beneficial elder presence can be:
‘Try to keep your soul young and quivering right up to old age, and to imagine right up to the brink of death that life is only beginning.’ – George Sand”
— Caryl Casbon
*****
“I was blessed to have Marianne as my mentor in those early years of growing “the work” as the Center for Courage & Renewal came into being. Marianne was such a force, offering her wisdom, her warmth, her humor and her home to me and so many others. I recall in my first visit to her home, she took me into this room filled with “old school” metal file cabinets. She invited me to go through all the files and choose the poems I wanted to take with me, reminding me not to take the last copy. What a wealth of resources I had to work with in my first retreat with her. She was generous in her words of support and also deeply grounded in the sacredness of this work. Marianne was a delight to be with; she had a deep heart, a love of nature, and a mischievous sense of humor. I will always be grateful for the time spent with her and for the foundation she helped me build as a facilitator and future mentor. God Bless You, Marianne. You will always be with us…”
— Rachel Boechler
